Straight Pride?? Save us from our selves…

July 16, 2008

You see how we haunted? It’s summer in America, so I guess it’s time for this year’s round of insanity with the dancehall flavour of the month.

This time, a “Straight Pride Parade” is scheduled to be held on Eastern Parkway in late August this year. From what I gather from the newsbits, this showdown was originally conceived to show support for dancehall reggae artists who have been under fire for several years now because of their odious lyrics and stances regarding same-sex sexuality. The latest casualty is Stapler and his song “Hit Them Hard.” However, somehow, these folks, under the auspices of TCOOO Productions, have decided that the best way to show such support and to protest what they see as unfair treatment, is to take up the mantle for all the oppressed heterosexuals everywhere in the US who have been unable to stave off the worldwide dominion of the sodomitic ones.

The march is being promoted as a precursor to the West Indian Parade and a wake-up call for all heterosexuals who clearly don’t know they are under seige.  According to Jango Fresh, “when “Hit them hard” by my label mate Stapler can be banned just because it stresses the importance of a male and a female in every family, it is a sign that heterosexuals need to wake up.” Just because…there is a whole lot going on in those two words.

The press release goes on to say that the event is “a chance for Heterosexuals to gather and proudly embrace their sexuality […] Adults are encouraged to bring their children along for the celebrations, as the event will be family oriented. Yardflex claims that the press release also stated that “Gay friends and gay relatives must be left at home or worse kept in the closet.” In a really fucked up way, they do recognize that we are a part of the family and friendship networks of the dancehall fans who are being invited to this special event, even if they would prefer that our families burn us at the stake. I wonder what will happen to those straight dancehall fans who choose not to follow their advice?

There is much I could say about this ridiculous waste of time and effort, but I will bite my tongue for a second.

I really really do think this is a joke. It has to be. I mean, really, people. March for Straight Pride? Who thought this was a great idea? Is this yet another one of those moments when that peculiar version of arrogance exhibited by many Jamaican men trumps common sense? I didn’t realize that we -well, they – had special insight into the plight, perils and possibilities of the heterosexual, and are uniquely positioned to define a straight identity, and to mobilize straight people around it?  I guess I haven’t been listening to enough dancehall music to recognize that the songs and performances are not only anthems to heterosexuality, but should be considered as doctrine too.

Seriously, is heterosexuality really the problem here, or these blasted artists’ insane obsession with where some men put their dicks and who’s eating whose pussy? Is there really nothing else to talk about?

At best, this is a brilliant PR move on the part of TCOOO Productions. Yep, use the power of the internet to generate controversy, get people to download the music, get all kinds of folks worked up in a lather about whether such songs, this song, should be banned, etc. etc. etc. Make Stapler a household name. There’s your entertainment for the summer, folks!

Lawd áv his mercy pon we….

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